120 Funny Sayings To Make You Laugh
Laughter is said to be the best medicine. However, it can sometimes be difficult to find things that genuinely make us laugh. This article aims to provide 120 short, humorous sayings that are guaranteed to bring a smile to your face.
Humor plays an important role in our lives. It creates positive feelings and relieves stress. Although the challenges of daily life may sometimes overwhelm us, finding things that allow us to laugh can provide much needed relief. Laughter has also been shown to have health benefits like lowering blood pressure and reducing tension in muscles. It fosters relationships by creating shared joyful experiences with others.
The sayings in this article have been carefully selected for their wit and ability to elicit laughter. They have been organized into categories like puns, wordplay jokes and observational humor to make them easy to browse based on your interests. Some classics from legendary comedians are included alongside some new gems. I hope you find at least one that gives you a good chuckle! Laughter truly is the best medicine, so enjoy these funny sayings as stress relief whenever you need a good dose of humor.
1. One-liners for a chuckle
‘Gravity always wins. Unless you’re a cat. Then you’ve got nine chances.’ – Unknown
‘My grandma started walking five miles a day. She would… but no one wants to lose a grandma!’ – Unknown
‘I used to have superpowers… but then they were depowered.’ – Unknown
‘I forgot my pills again and now I’m thirsty.’ – Unknown
‘I asked for a piece of string at the hardware store, but they told me to buy some rope instead.’ – Unknown
‘I have a strict don’t date coworkers rule because I know how well those typically work out. And I hate myself enough already, thanks.’ – Unknown
‘Everything tastes better on a stick.’ – Unknown
‘I invented a new word: “Plagiarism”!’ – Jimmy Carr
‘When everything’s made to be foolproof, it’s a challenge to find new ways to be a fool.’ – Unknown
‘The problem with being punctual is that nobody’s there to appreciate it.’ – Unknown
‘I used to have a handle on life, but then it broke.’ – Unknown
‘I’m terribly sorry for interrupting your thoughts. Please continue not thinking.’ – Unknown
‘I don’t have a microwave, but I do have a clock that occasionally cooks stuff.’ – Unknown
‘I just found out I’m colorblind. The diagnosis came completely out of the purple.’ – Steven Wright
‘I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.’ – Douglas Adams
‘Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools talk because they have to say something.’ – Plato (modified)
‘Always remember you’re unique, just like everyone else.’ – Unknown
‘I love being overdressed. It makes me feel like I’m in a period drama.’ – Unknown
‘How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?’ – Steven Wright
‘I don’t like making plans for the day. I’ll probably break them.’ – Unknown
‘I stayed up all night trying to figure out where the sun went… then it dawned on me.’ – Unknown
2. Quick quips and comebacks
I’m not even interested in arguing with you, I just wanted to let you know that you’re wrong. – Unknown
Don’t wrestle with pigs. You both get dirty and the pig likes it. – Unknown
Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience. – Mark Twain
Arguing with an idiot is like playing chess with a pigeon. It’ll just knock over all the pieces and shit on the board. Then strut around like it won. – Unknown
I’m sorry I can’t get through to you. My IQ is just not high enough to penetrate your density. – Unknown
Brevity is the soul of wit. – William Shakespeare
Never interfere with an enemy while he’s in the process of destroying himself. – Napoleon Bonaparte
The problem with defending the purity of the English language is that English is about as pure as a cribhouse whore. We don’t just borrow words; on occasion, English has pursued other languages down alleyways to beat them unconscious and rifle their pockets for new vocabulary. – James D. Nicoll
I apologize for not being able to dumb this down any further for you. – Unknown
Don’t waste your time on jealousy. Sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes you’re behind…the race is long, and in the end, it’s only with yourself. – Mary Schmich
Never argue with an idiot. They will drag you down to their level and beat you with experience. – Mark Twain
It’s better to let people think you’re an idiot than open your mouth and prove it. – Unknown
I don’t have the time or the crayons to explain this to you. – Unknown
I’m sorry, I don’t actually care what you think. – Unknown
Arguing with you would be like wrestling with a pig. You just get dirty and the pig likes it. – Unknown
I’m rubber and you’re glue, whatever you say bounces off me and sticks to you. – Children’s Rhyme
Your boos mean nothing, I’ve seen what makes you cheer. – Rick Sanchez
I’m sorry if I seem uninterested, or I’m not listening or I’m indifferent. I’m not indifferent, I’m just focusing on not focusing on you. – Bo Burnham
I was having an intelligent discussion, and then you joined in. – Unknown
You sound like somebody trying to use big words they don’t understand to sound smart. It’s not working. – Unknown
3. Short and silly funny phrases
‘Workin’ like a dog with no name’ – Unknown
‘If don’t fit, force it. That’s my motto’ – Unknown
‘Bless your pea-pickin’ heart’ – Southern Saying
‘You’re about as useful as a football bat’ – Unknown
‘In a fight like threelegged cat, half a$$ed and scratchin’ for dirt’ – Unknown
‘Couldn’t find his butt with both hands and a map’ – Unknown
‘Busy as a one-armed paper hanger’ – Unknown
‘Like a blind man at an orgy… I was gonna have to feel things out’ – Unknown
‘I’m drier than a popcorn fart’ – Unknown
‘Dumber than a bag of hammers’ – Unknown
‘Well butter my butt and call me a biscuit!’ – Unknown
‘Crazier than a shithouse rat’ – Unknown
‘Grinnin’ like a possum eatin’ a sweet potato’ – Southern Saying
‘You couldn’t pour water out of a boot if the instructions were on the heel’ – Unknown
‘He don’t know jack shit from shinola’ – Unknown
‘Got enough grease under his hat to fry bacon’ – Unknown
‘All hat and no cattle’ – Western Saying
‘Bless his/her pea-pickin’ little heart’ – Southern Saying
‘Slower than molasses in January’ – Southern Saying
‘Like a one-winged chicken runnin’ in circles’ – Southern Saying
4. Amusing idioms and expressions
The grass is always greener on the other side.
Don’t look a gift horse in the mouth. – English proverb
Absence makes the heart grow fonder. – English saying
Don’t put all your eggs in one basket. – English proverb
You can’t teach an old dog new tricks. – English proverb
One fell swoop.
Easier said than done.
Costs an arm and a leg.
The early bird catches the worm.
Once in a blue moon.
Every cloud has a silver lining.
On tenterhooks.
Curiosity killed the cat.
Beat around the bush.
Jump the gun.
Keep your chin up.
Let the cat out of the bag.
When pigs fly.
Six of one, half a dozen of the other.
Bite off more than you can chew.
5. Witty wordplay and puns
‘I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.’ – Anonymous
‘I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day!’ – Anonymous
‘Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.’ – Anonymous
‘I changed my iPod’s name to Titanic. It’s syncing now.’ – Anonymous
‘I didn’t like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.’ – Anonymous
‘My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo. I had to put my foot down.’ – Anonymous
‘Two cannibals eating a clown. One says to the other: “Does this taste funny to you?”‘ – Anonymous
‘A backwards poet writes inverse.’ – Anonymous
‘A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.’ – Anonymous
‘I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with, but I’ve been tripping all day.’ – Anonymous
‘I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can’t put it down.’ – Anonymous
‘I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not so sure.’ – Anonymous
‘Why do bees stay in their hives during winter? Swarm.’ – Anonymous
‘I tried to catch fog yesterday. Mist.’ – Anonymous
‘Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.’ – Groucho Marx
‘Velcro – what a rip off!’ – Anonymous
‘My friend thinks he’s a transparent box. I can see right through him.’ – Anonymous
‘Atheism is a non-prophet organization.’ – George Carlin
‘The term ‘fashion’ is derived from the same word as ‘fascism’. They both start with ‘fa’ and end with ‘ism’ and that’s about all they have in common.’ – Joan Rivers
‘When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.’ – Anonymous
6. Humorous clichés to cause a smile
“Laughter is timeless, imagination has no age, and dreams are forever.” – Walt Disney
“I don’t consider myself funny, I just call them like I see them.” – Unknown
“A day without laughter is a day wasted.” – Charlie Chaplin
“Go outside and play hide and go seek. I’ll help you hide, go ahead, I’m great at this game!” – The voices in my head
“Always end the day with a smile and go to sleep.” – Unknown
“Do NOT me.” – Yoda
“Why do bees stay in their hives during winter? Swarm.” – Unknown
“Never miss a good chance to shut up” – Will Rogers
“Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-through bank machines? How does a blind person use the drive-through?” – Unknown
“All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt.” – Charles M. Schulz
“I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down” – Unknown
“Why can’t a bicycle stand on its own? It’s too tired!” – Unknown
“Friends help you unload your car. Real friends help you move bodies” – Unknown
“Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella? Fo’ Drizzle!” – Unknown
“I used to hate facial hair, but then it grew on me.” – Unknown
“Why can’t a nose be 12 inches long? Then it would be a foot!” – Unknown
” I threw some flowers in the river the other day. Now it’s my responsibility to keep them watered.” – Unknown
“When life gives you lemons, just say “Fuck the lemons” and bail.” – Unknown
“They say money can’t solve your problems. Must be cuz you don’t have enough money.” – Unknown
“A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries” – Unknown
Conclusion
In summary, humor is a powerful tool that brings people together and makes the world seem a little brighter, even if just for a moment. The funny sayings shared in this article celebrate the amusing parts of daily life and relationships that we can all relate to. Reflecting on their meanings and chuckling at life’s little absurdities is a healthy way to gain perspective and feel more positive. I encourage you to come back to these words when in need of a laugh or pick-me-up. Keeping comedy and fun in our lives through simple quotes is a small act that can spread more kindness.
